Faith.

When i look up into the sky, i look through the clouds, over to those shiny stars.
I see those faces i have in my head, i see them in every star that twinkles.
Glimpses of moments, caught up in my mind, overpowered by emotion and temptation.
I lead myself into the dream of  my reality.
Those memories seem to be cutting deeply, the mourning never seems far away.
I look up to you, to see what's inside of me.
I never realized what i am , or what i was, i only thought of what i will be.


In the process, i forgot my present, time never stops for anyone.
I gave in to desire, i gave in to impulsion, i gave in to my heart.
But what i shouldn't have given up, was the power of my mind.
You should never doubt what your mind tells you to do, heart comes secondary.
You are what you are, and what you do is what you become.


I can never forget the satisfaction it gave me.
The contentment, the happiness.
A feeling of warmth, a feeling of hope.
It was beautiful, i hate to admit.
If you're wondering what it is, you just have to wonder about words.


Words can get you a long way across, but when you come to feeling those words,
they will haunt you for a lifetime.
The pain, isn't the problem, it's really not.
Pain is something i have learnt to deal with, along with every step i take,
every move i make, i feel pain.
Its the thought of losing control, it's the thought of not letting go, it's the thought of
loneliness, it's the thought of hostility, it's the thought of hurting, it's the thought of not having.


I feel you, in everything.
And when i feel you, it's worse.
Abandoning a sinking ship is easy, but it's the captains responsibility,
to go down with his ship.
Into the cold water, into the lonely ocean and away, deep down under,
away from reality, away from the world.


You can escape the dream, but you will never escape the reality.
Look back and wonder much?
Look in front.
Can you even perceive where the road will hit a bump, or just end?


I can't promise what comes next, but i can promise to be there when it comes.
To be there with who?
To be there with you.
In your head, in your soul.
Because when there's an end, there's always a story untold.


If you can dare to make a story unfold,
have the courage, continue to be bold.
If you stumble, if you fall,
it will hold you, just listen to my call.
.....................................................................................................................................


What i feel, is what is said by this song.
The vibrations, are tremendous.



" Do you really want to know,
tell me, tell me.
can you feel me letting go, slowly?
i'm scared to, fall into you.


But i want to,
feel you, touch you, know you.
And i want to,
so i let you set me free,
into sweet misery, sweet misery.


There's a hunger, do you know
feed me, feed me.
It's getting harder not to show,
free me.
i'm scared to, fall into you.


Why you always try to see, through me? "

- Tiesto - Sweet Misery.

Just be.

I forget just what it takes , and yet it makes me smile.
I look out for the sorrows, the turning tables, the artificial faces.
I know what it takes , to be happy.


It's been a while since i've known the difference between the good and the bad, the worth and the worthless.
In life there come so many edges, where you've got to make a split second decision.
If you don't do it at the right time you might fall off the cliff, it's always going to be a steep climb.


I know there is conflict, in our head most of the times.
Along with us having the most adaptive and effective behaviour amongst all creatures on this blessed planet, we also have a knack for self destruction.


When you learn all the sides to human behaviour, yes we're self motivated and hard working and we can stretch ourselves to almost any limit, it's only when we want something.
Selflessness, this word would never be applicable to most people i know, maybe not even me, cos we never have.


Never have we put anything of any sort of priority before ourselves, sacrifice is a thing we've learnt only the hard way, if we ever have. And those who haven't, still need a check on reality.
It's far worse out here, if you plan to be selfish and cold.


It has it's advantages, you may even get away with many a blunders, but it's going to come back to you.
You are only who you are, no one can change that, and no one but you can change what you will be, what matters is the choice you make, will you follow the path of purity, learn from your own mistakes, knit a secure future and cherish the past, or will you put it all on the line, work from your soul and mind together, and prove the ugly world wrong, take the risk, reap the benefits.


Or, you could go down the path of being a rebel, the kid you've always dreamt of being, getting away with almost all sorts of crap.


Yeah, you could do that.


The only thing i'd like to mention is that, hey, you could be all you want to, just that, you're not a kid anymore, so make your decisions wisely, what you ask for could be what changes your life.


Just like the great Mr. Tiesto, who shared some beautiful piece of music in the world, it may make sense to you now.


" Just be - DJ Tiesto "

You can travel the world , but you can't run away from the person you are in your heart.

You can be who you want to be, make us believe in you ,keep all your light in the dark.

If you're searching for truth, you must look in the mirror and make sense of what you can see.

Just be.

They say learning to love yourself is the first step that you take when you want to be real,

and flying on planes to exotic locations won't teach you how you really feel.

Face up to the fact that you are who you are and nothing can change that belief

Just be.

Cause now i know it's not so far to where i go, the hardest part is inside me.

I need to just be.

I was lost and i'm still lost but i feel so much better with just me.

Just be.

Until next time...

  

" If there is no darkness, how will we ever find light? "

" If there is no darkness, how will we ever find light? "

If you ever come to think of it, it's true.

It's all around you, there is light, abundance of it everywhere.

The physical sense, the emotion.

Look at it in any way, there is light all around you.

What you wouldn't know, is the value of it.

If i come down to my opinion, i feel every word of the quotation.

Your tiny source, or your own sunshine, may come from one , may come from many.

But you have it, have you not?

If you go down to your weakest moments, where you have nothing but yourself to face, nothing but yourself to blame, and nothing but yourself to work upon, wouldn't you find a way?

It's survival, that kick in us, yeah.

It's our instincts, holding us, whispering... Survive.

You will find a way, you eventually will.

That's light to me i guess. It's one way of putting it though.

Thought, imagination, beyond your wildest dreams, your most insightful vision.

There lies an unexplored world beneath you, can you see the light? Will you care to jump?

Or just sit there and think. With a few lines curving through your forehead?

When you're in your darkest, deepest moments, search for the light.

Because, there is light, even in the darkest places.

I have a little story for you :

There was once a cave that lived underground, as most caves do.

Since it spent its entire life in darkness, it had never seen any light.

One day, a voice talked to the cave, and said, "Come up into the light.

Come and enjoy the sunlight."

The cave replied, "I do not know what you mean by light.

All I have ever known is darkness."

"Come and see for yourself," said the voice.

The cave mustered up enough courage and 

climbed slowly up from the depths of the earth. 

Suddenly, it reached the top of the earth 

and was surrounded by magnificent light,

The likes of which the cave had never seen in its life.

"This is beautiful," said the cave. After 

enjoying the light for a while, the cave said to the sunlight,

"Now it is your turn to come with me 

and see the darkness."

"What is darkness?" asked the sunlight.

The cave answered, "Come and see for yourself."

So the sunlight decided to visit the cave's home.

As the sunlight entered the cave, it said,

"Now show me your darkness."

But with the sunlight there, 

there was no darkness to be found!

Where there is light,

there can be no darkness.

Whenever we feel we are in a dark phase,

we need only tap into the light of our soul.

Our true nature is light.

If we would only identify with our true nature,

 we would find there is no darkness.

If we would also bring our own innate goodness

and light into our daily life,

We would never be overcome

by the darkness of life again.

                                                                                                     

                                                                                                                          - Times of India

But, tread carefully, because everything that's exposed to light, is now visible to all. There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle, but you can’t study the darkness by flooding it with light.

You have to find the balance.

Until next time...

Fighting the urge to run?

To a soul untouched by the thick waves of the sea, the fury beneath the crystal clear.
Safe and sound, keeping away from the lashing mighty, hidden somewhere in time,
Behold those who float upon the tempting realm of impurity, or call it desire.

A mesmerizing satisfaction you may feel running down your spine,
as you feed upon those who already perished,
back to the early days where the bright sun shone upon the mighty storm,
a time long gone when the wind was calm , when the sea would warm your skin.

I offer you to provoke a thought, tonight you can make a decision.
You can choose to be bigger than the person you are,
or you can choose to be a person smaller than you think you are.
There is no hope till you face the storm, there is no way in the sea,
you can't work your innocent charm.

You've always played this game, you have your free will to choose.
You can't run now, you can't cut loose.
This is where you take a stand for yourself,
Here there is no defense.
This is the new world you've stepped into.
First you were given land, well now you only have water.
No place to run, no place to hide.
What can you do now? Can you see the light?

I offer you a choice, you can prove yourself this time.
All you have to do, is survive.

Om mani padme hum.

The six syllables, OM-MA-NI-PAD-ME-HUM,

Om - Pride/Ego

Ma - Lust/Jealousy

Ni - Passion/Desire

Pad - Ignorance

Me - Poverty/Possessiveness

Hum - Agression/Hatred

In dependence on the practice which is in indivisible union of method and wisdom,
you can transform your impure body, speech and mind into the pure
body, speech, and mind of a Buddha. It is said that you should not
seek for Buddhahood outside of yourself; the substances for the
achievement of Buddhahood are within.

Can you take the path of a true human being, the one that you are inside?

Embrace yourself

As we sit here, bound in the realm of time and functionality,
stuck in the vicious cycle of searching up a story and gulping it down as your life,
accepting what you see, cos what you see will be the only thing you'll believe.
Your imagination becomes a door way, a guidance, a cheerful foreplay,
you listen to the little man in you , you learn his ways, you shut up him up forever, you act brave.

What you know now has the power to take you beyond, it's the limitless force which fuels you.
There's no stopping now, there's nothing that can fool you.
There's this secret no one never dare share, you'll need to look past the normal, look beyond in space,
through stars and showers, flying above skyscrapers and towers.
You just have to close your eyes and wonder where to go, this thing you've learnt will give you your answer,
there's too much to learn , there's too much to transfer.

You can listen to the voice, you can let it hold you together, you don't have to fear.
You have a being, now accept it's soul, cos only the mind knows best, haven't you been told?
Keep your frame, you just need an instruction, trust what you think and you'll never have an obstruction.
It's the skilled play of manipulation, of construction, you do what it asks you to, you don't ever raise a question.
Why fight with your own head, when there are a million other reasons, disappointments have been  like seasons, and you've always regretted treason?

Open your doors, learn to let go.
Because time is ours to grasp, there won't ever be a need to feed on the past.
Promise to practice what you preach, because there's nothing a teacher can't teach.
It's the lies and the unfaithful feast, that's here to lure some mistreat,
So sit back, relax. Sip a hot mug .
You're already on the way to fixing these calculated bugs.

Keep your cool, keep your nose up,
There's nothing you can't do, there's no one that could interrupt.
Time to wear some different boots, you're on your own now, don't choose the sad flute.
You are what you see, what you see is what you can believe, cos there's nothing you'll ever miss, when you've learnt you have a mind like this. 

Coldest Winter

I will never alter your frame of mind, you're too sad in your ways.

To believe human beings have their own way in their heads that they think,

is right and nothing can tell them that what you're doing is a path towards self-destruction and pretty soon, 

when they do realize that it's going to fuck up, they don't have anywhere to run to.

The feeling of losing someone dear to an unsettled storm.
Something that stirs a violent emotion in you.
You've seen it happening, it's all around you.
You've been through it, you've seen the shadows, the dark gloomy side.
From the outside, it's a bright wild feeling, the sun is warm and the breeze is cold.

It's getting colder everyday, i can feel the chill last longer.

You know, its not about what we're doing, its about how we've been doing it.
You can't question a practice even if its wrong because it has always been around our lives.
Choice has a lot of value, i'd say.
For a human being, the beginning of the world or the end of it as we know it, will always be stuck around in the normal realm we all pursue, the happiness from thought, the loneliness without.

All this talk is getting old, all these words are rusting, they won't make a difference till you let them.
Don't blame me if i don't stay, don't hurt if i didn't say goodbye, i'm watching you with my bleeding eyes, i can see the storm brewing.
It's just human tendency, it's just the pain that you've learnt to bear.
When you see beyond the realm of pain, that's where you might skip a heartbeat.
Found that world a long while ago, and beyond the world of pain, there is no pleasure whatsoever.

It really is getting colder, the chill has stuck to the spine.
Somethings just never change, but sometimes, change isn't what we need.
What we lack is hope, if there isn't a feeling in you, that you'll manage it, maybe you'll never manage it, and if you do, maybe you will never have deserved to.

The surreal territory, is only a state of your imagination, but keep up with this, and you will just have fenced all around it, and once your farm of imagination is limited, you have nothing to lose, but you'll never have anything you can gain again.
Its you who started this cycle, it's only your will that can end it.
You've made the same mistakes, but i took the fall for you.


Cheers my people, you owe it to yourselves, if you could smile today, knowing it's going to be dim, knowing you've committed the sin.
How would you live, As a fugitive?
Because tomorrow isn't sure if it wants to come at all, and today is disappointed to see our turnout fall.

Good luck to ye all,  It's going to be the coldest winter, yet.

Light

The worlds at a standstill, Day's are passing by.
Time has stopped yet there's something, somewhere that's eating up the morning and the night goes on.
It's a fucking drag sometimes when you think of it. Sitting by the railing, wondering how did all of this come to what it is.

Where is it. That sweet state of serenity, where everything seems to be in its right place.
Unfair it might be at times, where all of us live in the same bubble, catching glimpses of eternal peace.
But that's just an illusion, it's the way the human mind is set to think i'd say. We set out with all our priorities fixed, knowing what to do, where to go, what to see, what to feel and our actions take course with time.

I don't know how to explain how people suddenly lose their physical being somewhere, and with their thought - perception going over the roof, it's superpower.
It's almost a different phenomena.
You care more about those stars and galaxies, you care more about the moon, than the earth you live on?
I wouldn't say don't think , but the problems on the land you live on are way more than what you can see.

It ain't an easy road, if you individually look at your own little screens, the fact that you're here at this point of time with a goal set in your head and your body working towards it with your brain, go team!
But there's much more to it, cos as you widen your horizon, again, Tread with your best effort, avoiding the puddles there to bring you down.

You're being carved.
You're being shaped and re-shaped, into making yourself the perfect machine, selfish or not won't matter then.
It's a part of your journey, but it depends if you choose to be on the straight swift strip and take a short sprint, or fall downhill and climb with determination, with bravery and will power, as you see the sun rise ahead.

The little pebbles of darkness crumble with every brave step we make towards our goal, killing the roaches of fear and crushing the buds of  disappointment, no. It's all a happy-go-lucky story, carved with quality and blessing, don't let the iceberg get you man. Titanic really was a fucking big ship.

Remember,
There's always a sun you'll have to face after your dark, dreadful ways.
There's always a beam of light which will arrive, when you'll know it's over now, and you can smile with relief.
There's always a warmth at the end of the cold, freezing path which will blanket you.

There's always going to be a light, even in the darkest of places.

There comes a point in life, where you have to make a choice. You have to draw a line.
It's destiny that decides whether you over-step or fall short.

Angelic

Starting from a wonderful, everlasting feeling.
The feeling you get from looking in the sky, looking in the mirror, looking at yourself happy. Look around yourself.
There is so much pain, so much sorrow. There is anger, there is cruelty, there is selfishness. There is selflessness.
So many people stressed with their problems, so much frustration.
You won't stop and take out a second for those who look out for you, you wouldn't notice.

All the feelings of love, of happiness, contentment , hope , the peace of mind.
You can always have a source, a bond that binds you to your smile , an agreement where you could never need anything more than just that simple word of love, the sweet taste of joy.
It's true, you really need someone to depend on.

Disagree, if you do, but you may not notice it at first, maybe when you lose something, you realize it's value.
Losing isn't the key to realization, but it kicks you right in the chest, something that you may have never felt before. That feeling of being happy with what you do and why you do what you do may stay but you realize when you're sitting in silence in thought of what you had. You can feel the restlessness, that it's not there .

In your life, in it's place, it's not there anymore.

Doing things you could never have thought you would do, but you always do them , not realizing you have, but these little things that matter much, you do them all the time.
You don't think so much, about what you're doing and if it would disturb anyone else, you've been doing it all along , what harm can it cause.

The one person who has always stuck to you, despite your flaws and your mistakes, despite every time that you've let them down.
I lost that person in my life.

I never knew what value this person had until i lost it. And losing a person doesn't necessarily mean they've gone forever.
They may be right there, but they're just not there anymore.
You can hold on to something, thinking you'll get the same feeling you got from it once. Because that feeling was fucking priceless, that feeling held something together.

But when you never get that feeling again , and it's brutal, bruised and about to shatter, the worst it can get is, when you have to shatter it down, yourself.
You have to gulp it in, it's never going to come back.

I lost this person, in front of my eyes.
I saw the transition, it happened gradually, it happened slowly. It started because of me, and once it was too bad, it was too late to stop it.
I see this person, fallen and down, reasoning every wrong with every right word, trying to make a story fall into place, but the truth is once you're hooked onto something, just to rebel something else, it's never going to end.

You do things, because you want to do them, not because you can do them to get a reaction.
Well this time, the reaction went bad.
The reaction got to you, and got you addicted to something which would take you away from me.
Distant and cold, so far away.
And it's torture for me. To see it all happen.
I'm seeing it in front of my own eyes.

I won't say i hate anyone, but despite the attempts to try and stay out of something, i can't control my thoughts.

I want to save you, i want to protect you, but you won't let me.
There's this cloud that you're under. This dark cloud, and you've been standing in the rain for quite a while now.
It's killing me, the water won't let me in.
I had my hand for you to pull all this time, you never seem to notice anymore.

I'm learning the hard way, trying to fix every wrong i've done by reaping their consequences.
I wish i'd realized before i made these mistakes, that i'll be the one who would have to deal with all the pain i gave alone, and it would be too much.

Now i can only sit helplessly and watch my fairy tale. The clouds, the rain, the water everywhere around it.
And my angel, as beautiful as ever, lying in the water of my mistakes, losing her charm, her beauty absorbed, day by day. I can just sit, in despair. This angel once flew, if only i hadn't broken her wings.

I have no one but me to blame, and only one lesson for you to take.
If you know, completely, truly, that someone is there for you, no matter what may come, they're going to be there, and you're sure of that. Never let that one person down, never let that one person lose their hope, because all the hope in that one person, is dependent on you.

Just stay true to you .

Believe

Problem child problem child problem child!

That's all i can remember if i try to bring up childhood events, and every time the topic comes, all i hear about school is the times you have been fucked up or framed, and your guardians or whoever may be called to discuss the issue gets to hear all the crazy things he or she could never have imagined being pulled off by me.

It gets to me.
The stereotype thinking of these adults, who cannot understand what life we live, what we would face everyday.
They're astonished at the things we do, and find them unacceptable.
I say fucking why? if they didn't have the opportunity to do something, good or bad doesn't matter, why bring us down, why find it unacceptable.

Accepting what's at hand is the first step i think , towards understanding another being, i'd say.
Till you can't accept what the other person actually is, good or bad, it's not going to change.
You will find the same conflict coming up, time and again , and there is no stopping till you get a hold of whats going on, till you understand what the other person does, and why he/she is doing such.
Accept that this is what it is, and you might have to make do with this, or lesser.

If you expect something, you have to believe in it first.
You can't expect me to be someone when you don't believe i can be that someone.
I believe that all the parenthood in this world know everything about a child's life, cos they've fucking been at that age, but yet they fail to understand.
So much change, so much absorption in these years, that no one can really understand how you go about your life, day by day. Only you know what's going down.

For a fact you may believe, what you've seen is what it's about,
Don't compare my life, don't raise any doubt.
I am another creation, i have my role to be played,
you cannot feel my sorrow, my anger , my shame.
For when the time comes, when the child inside has been slayed,
I want to feel , i want forgive, but i don't want to forget,
for this is my ground, this is my game, i want to move ahead, i want to numb the pain.

Tonight, as i sit here helplessly thinking about someone i hurt, i can't numb that pain.
It's irrelevant, but i just feel that even though what's done is done, you can always make up right.

A beautiful smile, a beautiful face.
The goodness in you, you're the only thing adding glow to this race.
As you talk, you never look up, you never face the eyes, what we learnt is right, there is no point to cry.
Your flawless persona, your radiating happiness, wherever you go, you don't even try.

She sits there wondering how the other side is, where life would take her, maybe sweep her off her feet, maybe set the world on a standstill, maybe she'll finally rest, maybe she'll run down the hill, maybe she'll stay away from the door, maybe she'll kick it open.
The button's right there, shes waiting to push it.
I see the pain you feel, i've known it quite well. Please walk behind me, it's dangerous, can't you tell?
I've never seen you like this before, you've never indulged more.

As the winter breeze is starting, as the dry breeze is settling in the city, my cold dry thoughts, appear, it's not worth the pity.
It's the same time of the year, it's the same old place, it's the same beautiful weather, your eyes used to shine, thinking about these moments,
I know all you have to blame is me, i'm the one who took your beauty, and i'm the one who failed his duty.
It wasn't supposed to change , it wasn't supposed to affect your ways.
I really want your eyes to shine, i want your smile to glow the same way.
You're the same child who radiated such happiness, you're the one who pulled me out of my sickness.

Life is about second chances, so i've heard.
And second chances are almost always worth it. You don't always get second chances, you most don't let people down again.

The feeling where you found something, and you made it into a meaning, so beautiful, so relieving, about peace and happiness, joy and sharing.
Every thing has a smile to it, every word has an eye to it.
I lost out on you, and i lost out again, we never made amends, we've always followed that trend.

I didn't cry wolf, the wolf came to.
I promise , to not let you down, to capture those moments again.

For when i found my wisdom, i found out here is where i have to be.
With arms wide, i'm sorry.

And someone close, referred this to me.
It's just a reminder of the other person we all have to be.

" Growing up is never easy, you hold on to things that were, you wonder whats to come, but that night, i think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be, other days, new days, days to come. "

The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older, we just had to forgive ourselves for growing up.

Always :)

Moments of truth.

I just realized that i really miss how school was like.
There was always a fixed part of your day where you had to go, do something constructive, in my case i mostly never went and even if i did, i believe i was fairly bad at doing anything constructive. But you still had a fixed part going on, nothing to worry about. Examinations might come and go, studying was always last minute.

I was an average student i'd say, only the last year was the best year in school, where i passed out with flying colors, that wasn't expected.
But i agree that it was the best year.

It's like a lesson to me , in a video which plays over and over all the time.
I could have played the game differently i suppose.
I look back and i see all the shortcuts i took in life.

All these things in school, the reputation, the teachers, the authority.
Nothing seemed to matter back then, just do what i like.
Always the rebel child. If not stupid, i wasn't smart enough to not get caught though.
I've always been a problem child i suppose.

Friends did matter of course, there are numerous stories that you build up in your head about yourself and your team and your group together.
Hurting people seemed to not matter at that time.
I'm not talking about physically hurting, that's not even half the issue.
The type who would get away with whatever and not seem to care what the other side may feel.
I'm talking about that. Now that i think of it, i never ever realized what i did.

But i know, that i've hurt a lot of people. All these memories seem to burn inside, when i think of what i used to do. I would never treat a person like that now, i'm sure.
It's always about learning from your own mistakes.

I've seen almost all my friends do the same things and see where that ends up, good or bad doesn't matter until you try it yourself.
Always been that way, learning from my own mistakes.
I can imagine the pain i've caused to so many people, i never meant to.

But sometimes, i skipped the part where you have to stop yourself.
I never thought of these things back then.

There's no making up for that part now, all there's left of school is that all the teachers that hate you for being the problem child get their gossip heads shut by the marks you left with.
That's all that matters true, it could never have been better, with that picture you see.

The jock, the rebel kid, the whatever, marks is all they cared about, and so it worked in my favor if that's the case.
But the other part, that can never be mended now.

All i know is, that i'll never want to be that person now, and i know exactly how not to be.
Life does teach you, the only part is, what you've learnt and realized, you only have to live with it.

Even as i look beyond myself, i wonder if i'm the same person inside now.
Can i still be the hurtful, can i still cause so much pain to someone.
One question, i have no answer to is whether i'm being too conscious or is there no need to control myself, speak freely?
Because that's the person i was. Maybe that's still the person i am. Maybe i'm not that person at all anymore.
I guess i'll have an answer to that someday, like i said, you learn from only your own mistakes.