I made a decision today, i'm sitting here, pretty stunned by things i shall tell you about as i go forward with this account. This decision i'm telling you about, it's about writing, about my life, my thoughts, so that i can take myself as a third person, and try and understand what i am. What's going down.
Getting a grip on life, still there's a huge part of me, which thinks, or rather, which is sure of having the knowledge about every hard fact about life there is to understand. On the contrary, i have questions in me. Yeah for a fact , i've known that there are a lot of arguments within me about certain things. I think i'm sure of something for a while , until something comes up and raises a question , to which i have no answer. And when i seek those answers, i face a completely changed reality.
How can it seem so real everytime, and then completely change its face, and kick me with all might? I realize, everytime. I mean most of the times yes, i'm quite taken back by what i make of something i knew before i learnt more about it, which is not necessarily true, but yet it can shift shapes.
This is probably confusing you as much as it's confusing me. I don't even know if i'm going to continue with this, but its a way of talking. Communicating , that's the word.
I feel like i have a lot say inside me, but i end up swallowing everything i think of.
I never say it out.
I'm pretty confident, thats never been a problem.
I was quite a loud child, and i've pulled of the craziest shit.
The people around me, the ones who are ALWAYS around me.
They know me well enough to tell you i could pull of something insanely out of the normal, cos i've always been that kid. I have these moments, where my mind tells me to stop, but what i'm doing, the feeling is overwhelming. It gives my body some sort of rush.
That notorious rush sorta thing , is what i'm talking about.
Everyone has a wild side to them right?
I don't know much about mine cos I've never known how i'm like to others, but the feeling enough to tell me that somethings really different.
i observe everything, i've obeserved everything going on around me for a while now. This period may be the only period where i've put some thought to use.
Sitting on the floor in the balcony, lights out. Listening to the drugs don't work by the verve. The only thought i had in my head was, That yes, once you start with the # , there's no stopping once you know how to take it, absorb it, use it. I read somewhere, it gives you psychedelic powers, damn straight. Hahaah, Its funny though, it really does take over your life. You know, like all your friends, i wouldn't say friends, cos their level is different, we're united, like brothers, helping each other, learning from each other, having a good time every day, and supporting one another in everything. All of us know each other so well, that there wouldn't be a time anyone of us goes astray.
Every person is special, every person has a lot to teach , a lot to learn.
There is a lot of parts here, and i can explain everything , cos memories are your own little screen. I heard that line somewhere, It's a beautiful song by bjork and thom yorke called i've seen it all. This girl , is going to lose her vision, and the guy is singing to her and they're both singing , the girls singing about her life, that she's seen it all , there is no more to see. The guy gives her examples, " What about china, have you seen the great wall? " , " You've never been to niagra falls" .
She's happy with what she's lived , and she says " All walls are great , if the roof doesn't fall " , " I have seen water , it's water that's all ".
It's a beautiful song, describing the contentment of a woman, it's different because all the things we hear these days, there's wailing , there's anger, pain and regret. There's suffering , There's vain , blood and sweat. Happiness and laughter, brightness and flowers. Rarely heard anything made on contentment. It got to me.
I'm only inspired by it , cos it does teach you, if it doesn't control you.
Those who are controlled by it, or those who only use them to appeal, might not face this change. I think of it in a very positive way. Don't let it control you , don't get dependant, and just take it to enjoy it, not to aid yourself.
Theres alot of negativity involved, i can feel it myself as i read my words. But trust me , if you make this story's base here, i think we should all go home , and not waste our time. But i chose to make this sheet a medium , only to help myself out.
I'm a very curious person , honestly. Till i don't make something out of my own perception and contact with the answer to a question, i cannot satisfy this thirst to know more.
Right now, the only thing on my mind is how to tell this to myself.
Filled with thoughts, questions, dream bubbles waiting to burst, to be someone, to be something. I guess i'll just have to wait.
Looking forward to answering my questions, with more of them.
And when i do, I'll be the only one to tell myself IT'S TRUE. That's the purity of knowing. When no one can tell you what happened, what they saw, heard or felt. When you see, hear, feel and think in that situation , you actually reap the fruit of being there , at the right time , the right place. That is a checkpoint, a system restore point for your own mind, And i'm proud to say that nobody, can fucking change that.
Music, is something that can catch you, put you through a web, entagle you, put you in a spell, then drag you out. Slowly , or jerk you out, its their choice, but we, move just as swiftly.
So i was talking to this girl about some songs and stuff, and something came up on fear. Fear automatically placed the word restriction to me. It's practical you know. Like, it fits in. Cos if you're afraid of something, it really is common sense to know that you're not going to be able to do it. Like not a fucking point even trying to do something with half your concentration scared out of you. It's pretty obvious you're going to have to deal with it sometime right? How else are you fucking going to do the thing you want to otherwise?
Thats where people fall short. They try, they fail. Then they try elsewhere, halfway through, they fail again. Now if you keep changing your spot, how are you going to sync in?
The rare few, who go through the pain , of trying and failing, then trying at the same spot again, cleaning up your flaws, working your way through the best possible track. It's almost like discovering something new inside of you. This new power, this feeling where theres an immense amount of happiness for something new which was found at that moment. It's sheer happiness.
There is a whole lot of music, thoughts, words, lifestyle plus stages, minus stages, but what the hell, whats life without some adventure? If you don't fuck up, how will you ever try not to fuck up right? To know the boundaries of something you have to test it.
It could be anyone, anything , any thought.
You have to test it yourself, shake the fear at times, and stare right into the subject. See through it.
Feel what it feels. Empathy, thats another feeling new to me.
But don't let sympathy take path, not to anyone, or yourself.
Getting a grip on life, still there's a huge part of me, which thinks, or rather, which is sure of having the knowledge about every hard fact about life there is to understand. On the contrary, i have questions in me. Yeah for a fact , i've known that there are a lot of arguments within me about certain things. I think i'm sure of something for a while , until something comes up and raises a question , to which i have no answer. And when i seek those answers, i face a completely changed reality.
How can it seem so real everytime, and then completely change its face, and kick me with all might? I realize, everytime. I mean most of the times yes, i'm quite taken back by what i make of something i knew before i learnt more about it, which is not necessarily true, but yet it can shift shapes.
This is probably confusing you as much as it's confusing me. I don't even know if i'm going to continue with this, but its a way of talking. Communicating , that's the word.
I feel like i have a lot say inside me, but i end up swallowing everything i think of.
I never say it out.
I'm pretty confident, thats never been a problem.
I was quite a loud child, and i've pulled of the craziest shit.
The people around me, the ones who are ALWAYS around me.
They know me well enough to tell you i could pull of something insanely out of the normal, cos i've always been that kid. I have these moments, where my mind tells me to stop, but what i'm doing, the feeling is overwhelming. It gives my body some sort of rush.
That notorious rush sorta thing , is what i'm talking about.
Everyone has a wild side to them right?
I don't know much about mine cos I've never known how i'm like to others, but the feeling enough to tell me that somethings really different.
i observe everything, i've obeserved everything going on around me for a while now. This period may be the only period where i've put some thought to use.
Sitting on the floor in the balcony, lights out. Listening to the drugs don't work by the verve. The only thought i had in my head was, That yes, once you start with the # , there's no stopping once you know how to take it, absorb it, use it. I read somewhere, it gives you psychedelic powers, damn straight. Hahaah, Its funny though, it really does take over your life. You know, like all your friends, i wouldn't say friends, cos their level is different, we're united, like brothers, helping each other, learning from each other, having a good time every day, and supporting one another in everything. All of us know each other so well, that there wouldn't be a time anyone of us goes astray.
Every person is special, every person has a lot to teach , a lot to learn.
There is a lot of parts here, and i can explain everything , cos memories are your own little screen. I heard that line somewhere, It's a beautiful song by bjork and thom yorke called i've seen it all. This girl , is going to lose her vision, and the guy is singing to her and they're both singing , the girls singing about her life, that she's seen it all , there is no more to see. The guy gives her examples, " What about china, have you seen the great wall? " , " You've never been to niagra falls" .
She's happy with what she's lived , and she says " All walls are great , if the roof doesn't fall " , " I have seen water , it's water that's all ".
It's a beautiful song, describing the contentment of a woman, it's different because all the things we hear these days, there's wailing , there's anger, pain and regret. There's suffering , There's vain , blood and sweat. Happiness and laughter, brightness and flowers. Rarely heard anything made on contentment. It got to me.
I'm only inspired by it , cos it does teach you, if it doesn't control you.
Those who are controlled by it, or those who only use them to appeal, might not face this change. I think of it in a very positive way. Don't let it control you , don't get dependant, and just take it to enjoy it, not to aid yourself.
Theres alot of negativity involved, i can feel it myself as i read my words. But trust me , if you make this story's base here, i think we should all go home , and not waste our time. But i chose to make this sheet a medium , only to help myself out.
I'm a very curious person , honestly. Till i don't make something out of my own perception and contact with the answer to a question, i cannot satisfy this thirst to know more.
Right now, the only thing on my mind is how to tell this to myself.
Filled with thoughts, questions, dream bubbles waiting to burst, to be someone, to be something. I guess i'll just have to wait.
Looking forward to answering my questions, with more of them.
And when i do, I'll be the only one to tell myself IT'S TRUE. That's the purity of knowing. When no one can tell you what happened, what they saw, heard or felt. When you see, hear, feel and think in that situation , you actually reap the fruit of being there , at the right time , the right place. That is a checkpoint, a system restore point for your own mind, And i'm proud to say that nobody, can fucking change that.
Music, is something that can catch you, put you through a web, entagle you, put you in a spell, then drag you out. Slowly , or jerk you out, its their choice, but we, move just as swiftly.
So i was talking to this girl about some songs and stuff, and something came up on fear. Fear automatically placed the word restriction to me. It's practical you know. Like, it fits in. Cos if you're afraid of something, it really is common sense to know that you're not going to be able to do it. Like not a fucking point even trying to do something with half your concentration scared out of you. It's pretty obvious you're going to have to deal with it sometime right? How else are you fucking going to do the thing you want to otherwise?
Thats where people fall short. They try, they fail. Then they try elsewhere, halfway through, they fail again. Now if you keep changing your spot, how are you going to sync in?
The rare few, who go through the pain , of trying and failing, then trying at the same spot again, cleaning up your flaws, working your way through the best possible track. It's almost like discovering something new inside of you. This new power, this feeling where theres an immense amount of happiness for something new which was found at that moment. It's sheer happiness.
There is a whole lot of music, thoughts, words, lifestyle plus stages, minus stages, but what the hell, whats life without some adventure? If you don't fuck up, how will you ever try not to fuck up right? To know the boundaries of something you have to test it.
It could be anyone, anything , any thought.
You have to test it yourself, shake the fear at times, and stare right into the subject. See through it.
Feel what it feels. Empathy, thats another feeling new to me.
But don't let sympathy take path, not to anyone, or yourself.
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