Darkly Smiling.

I get it, really. I do.

Sometimes, i see everything in it's perfect place flowing on the path where everything will settle in no matter what happens or what goes wrong, or what falls and what fits in. I know it's undying faith it's limitless belief it's a loss of logic. Maybe sometimes it's unreasonable.

Sometimes, i don't understand.

I don't get it. It's you, it's you it's all for you, everything i do for you, it's better than i ever even knew, they say that the world was built for two.
Man, i don't get to say it much, maybe i don't even allow myself to fall prey to this sad habit, but this could actually be called a rough road.

It's bumpy, and it's tearing ripping me from places, but i feel sort of numb.
It doesn't really hurt at times, and at times, it burns my heart out.
For what?
I don't really know, this satisfaction that i've tried to attain many a times before, still doesn't seem here.
Maybe it never will be, as new goals keep coming up the journey seems to have just begun.

But is it so unfair to ask for a smile in return? These video games. You're getting drunk and i'm the one seeing stars.
Heaven is a place on earth for you, tell me all the things you want to do.
Baby, i don't really know who i'm talking to but if you're feeling this, feel me feel this.
It's not fair, it's very much fair, i'm fraying in this affair.

And like a never ending roller coaster, keep smiling is the motto, yes it is, i've been doing it and it works and you get through the day with unconditional bravery and faith, at least i do.

But how long does it last? The beautiful letdown.
It's not a surprise to lose everything in the end, like i've heard life is just a beautiful act of letting go, what matters is just to have taken the time out to say a beautiful goodbye, which brings sweetness in the form of a national anthem being sung in nature and cities alike, this is just a phase, a camera zooming in and out and it goes on.

I feel claustrophobic inside sometimes, sometimes i'm shining with pride.
I've been living two worlds inside a million others but what really matters is, i kept mine together so what i need to say is, it doesn't matter which universe, which dimension, which time span this thought floats to, by the end of it, it's just a string of thoughts bringing life to the energy emitted.
Matter forming from memories, it's the creative celebration of life.

But i know for a fact, my celebrations will always arrive.
There are peaks, then there are valleys, what you reap from each is what you will sow in the next.
So much to say yet so little comes out, i have no control over subconscious outflow right now, and honestly, i don't even want there to be any.
It's always so cautions and always so calculative, like intuition is guidance yet, ten things at a time? Really now don't you think the offering of rest, sanctuary is far due? And even if you do, who are you?

Show yourself, unveil this darkness now, i am not bound by your light. I emit my own.
I absorb, i flow, i emit and show.
There are fireworks inside me, let them out.

Oh i will, i'll come out with a bang.