Monday, 10 October 2011


Starting from a wonderful, everlasting feeling.
The feeling you get from looking in the sky, looking in the mirror, looking at yourself happy. Look around yourself.
There is so much pain, so much sorrow. There is anger, there is cruelty, there is selfishness. There is selflessness.
So many people stressed with their problems, so much frustration.
You won't stop and take out a second for those who look out for you, you wouldn't notice.

All the feelings of love, of happiness, contentment , hope , the peace of mind.
You can always have a source, a bond that binds you to your smile , an agreement where you could never need anything more than just that simple word of love, the sweet taste of joy.
It's true, you really need someone to depend on.

Disagree, if you do, but you may not notice it at first, maybe when you lose something, you realize it's value.
Losing isn't the key to realization, but it kicks you right in the chest, something that you may have never felt before. That feeling of being happy with what you do and why you do what you do may stay but you realize when you're sitting in silence in thought of what you had. You can feel the restlessness, that it's not there .

In your life, in it's place, it's not there anymore.

Doing things you could never have thought you would do, but you always do them , not realizing you have, but these little things that matter much, you do them all the time.
You don't think so much, about what you're doing and if it would disturb anyone else, you've been doing it all along , what harm can it cause.

The one person who has always stuck to you, despite your flaws and your mistakes, despite every time that you've let them down.
I lost that person in my life.

I never knew what value this person had until i lost it. And losing a person doesn't necessarily mean they've gone forever.
They may be right there, but they're just not there anymore.
You can hold on to something, thinking you'll get the same feeling you got from it once. Because that feeling was fucking priceless, that feeling held something together.

But when you never get that feeling again , and it's brutal, bruised and about to shatter, the worst it can get is, when you have to shatter it down, yourself.
You have to gulp it in, it's never going to come back.

I lost this person, in front of my eyes.
I saw the transition, it happened gradually, it happened slowly. It started because of me, and once it was too bad, it was too late to stop it.
I see this person, fallen and down, reasoning every wrong with every right word, trying to make a story fall into place, but the truth is once you're hooked onto something, just to rebel something else, it's never going to end.

You do things, because you want to do them, not because you can do them to get a reaction.
Well this time, the reaction went bad.
The reaction got to you, and got you addicted to something which would take you away from me.
Distant and cold, so far away.
And it's torture for me. To see it all happen.
I'm seeing it in front of my own eyes.

I won't say i hate anyone, but despite the attempts to try and stay out of something, i can't control my thoughts.

I want to save you, i want to protect you, but you won't let me.
There's this cloud that you're under. This dark cloud, and you've been standing in the rain for quite a while now.
It's killing me, the water won't let me in.
I had my hand for you to pull all this time, you never seem to notice anymore.

I'm learning the hard way, trying to fix every wrong i've done by reaping their consequences.
I wish i'd realized before i made these mistakes, that i'll be the one who would have to deal with all the pain i gave alone, and it would be too much.

Now i can only sit helplessly and watch my fairy tale. The clouds, the rain, the water everywhere around it.
And my angel, as beautiful as ever, lying in the water of my mistakes, losing her charm, her beauty absorbed, day by day. I can just sit, in despair. This angel once flew, if only i hadn't broken her wings.

I have no one but me to blame, and only one lesson for you to take.
If you know, completely, truly, that someone is there for you, no matter what may come, they're going to be there, and you're sure of that. Never let that one person down, never let that one person lose their hope, because all the hope in that one person, is dependent on you.

Just stay true to you .

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