Friday, 7 October 2011


Problem child problem child problem child!

That's all i can remember if i try to bring up childhood events, and every time the topic comes, all i hear about school is the times you have been fucked up or framed, and your guardians or whoever may be called to discuss the issue gets to hear all the crazy things he or she could never have imagined being pulled off by me.

It gets to me.
The stereotype thinking of these adults, who cannot understand what life we live, what we would face everyday.
They're astonished at the things we do, and find them unacceptable.
I say fucking why? if they didn't have the opportunity to do something, good or bad doesn't matter, why bring us down, why find it unacceptable.

Accepting what's at hand is the first step i think , towards understanding another being, i'd say.
Till you can't accept what the other person actually is, good or bad, it's not going to change.
You will find the same conflict coming up, time and again , and there is no stopping till you get a hold of whats going on, till you understand what the other person does, and why he/she is doing such.
Accept that this is what it is, and you might have to make do with this, or lesser.

If you expect something, you have to believe in it first.
You can't expect me to be someone when you don't believe i can be that someone.
I believe that all the parenthood in this world know everything about a child's life, cos they've fucking been at that age, but yet they fail to understand.
So much change, so much absorption in these years, that no one can really understand how you go about your life, day by day. Only you know what's going down.

For a fact you may believe, what you've seen is what it's about,
Don't compare my life, don't raise any doubt.
I am another creation, i have my role to be played,
you cannot feel my sorrow, my anger , my shame.
For when the time comes, when the child inside has been slayed,
I want to feel , i want forgive, but i don't want to forget,
for this is my ground, this is my game, i want to move ahead, i want to numb the pain.

Tonight, as i sit here helplessly thinking about someone i hurt, i can't numb that pain.
It's irrelevant, but i just feel that even though what's done is done, you can always make up right.

A beautiful smile, a beautiful face.
The goodness in you, you're the only thing adding glow to this race.
As you talk, you never look up, you never face the eyes, what we learnt is right, there is no point to cry.
Your flawless persona, your radiating happiness, wherever you go, you don't even try.

She sits there wondering how the other side is, where life would take her, maybe sweep her off her feet, maybe set the world on a standstill, maybe she'll finally rest, maybe she'll run down the hill, maybe she'll stay away from the door, maybe she'll kick it open.
The button's right there, shes waiting to push it.
I see the pain you feel, i've known it quite well. Please walk behind me, it's dangerous, can't you tell?
I've never seen you like this before, you've never indulged more.

As the winter breeze is starting, as the dry breeze is settling in the city, my cold dry thoughts, appear, it's not worth the pity.
It's the same time of the year, it's the same old place, it's the same beautiful weather, your eyes used to shine, thinking about these moments,
I know all you have to blame is me, i'm the one who took your beauty, and i'm the one who failed his duty.
It wasn't supposed to change , it wasn't supposed to affect your ways.
I really want your eyes to shine, i want your smile to glow the same way.
You're the same child who radiated such happiness, you're the one who pulled me out of my sickness.

Life is about second chances, so i've heard.
And second chances are almost always worth it. You don't always get second chances, you most don't let people down again.

The feeling where you found something, and you made it into a meaning, so beautiful, so relieving, about peace and happiness, joy and sharing.
Every thing has a smile to it, every word has an eye to it.
I lost out on you, and i lost out again, we never made amends, we've always followed that trend.

I didn't cry wolf, the wolf came to.
I promise , to not let you down, to capture those moments again.

For when i found my wisdom, i found out here is where i have to be.
With arms wide, i'm sorry.

And someone close, referred this to me.
It's just a reminder of the other person we all have to be.

" Growing up is never easy, you hold on to things that were, you wonder whats to come, but that night, i think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be, other days, new days, days to come. "

The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older, we just had to forgive ourselves for growing up.

Always :)

No comments:

Post a Comment